Called To Mother...

Student Learning Outcome: 4- Sense of Identity

Description of Artifact: Called to Mother is a piece that focuses on my nurturing identity. Called to Mother does not have to mean that you carried a child and became a mother, because that word holds a lot more meaning than just that. The nurturing instinct is something I've had since I was a young girl and this is how it connected back to my life.

Artifact Alignment: The identity of being nurturing is something that every teacher seems to have. In order to go into a career where you love and care for children, you have to have this innate response to be nurturing, that "motherly instinct". When you have a passion of caring for others and you identify strongly with it, your classroom will emotionally be a stable environment for your students to succeed and be comfortable.

Future Goal: My goal in my classroom is to create an environment where all students feel welcomed, appreciated, and heard. If students see how I bring my role and identity in the classroom, they will feel empowered to do the same with their own identity.

Sense of Identity Reflection: Through completing the artifacts in this section, I have learned many things about my own identity. Where I come from, where I live, the culture I am a part of, and the beliefs I have all share who I will be as a teacher. In order to understand others, you have to best understand your own identity. Through the work completed in this section, I now understand who I truly am and the things that I will fight for in my classroom.

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When one hears “mother” they think of their own, or a role model who represented a mother. Someone who gave birth to them, someone who fed them as a child, someone who held them in their arms through tough times, but being called to mother means something different to me. It wasn't up until a few months ago that this came to my realization. I heard the term, “called to mother” in a random youtube video and something in me finally clicked. It was at that moment that I realized why everything was the way it was up until this point in my life. No I was not pregnant, nor a mother myself, but that short phrase held so much meaning and purpose to me, and it is just now that I put my words to paper and understand that I truly am called to mother, and that is something God had instilled in me throughout my whole life; I am just now realizing it.

Photograph Taken By: Ajla Ahmetovic

Ever since I was able to walk and talk, I knew I was called to mother. At the time, and for a large part of my life, I never understood why I was being pulled to something so strongly, or what it even meant. Something deep inside me, something created and thought of far before I had entered this Earth, was made for me to mother.

Called to mother does not have to mean I become a physical mother, as a dictionary would define it. Called to mother means so much more to me now, something I actually understand. Growing up, my heart was always so closely attached to everything in my life. Although a blessing, it also sometimes felt like a curse.

Called to help out my mother. I made sure everyone in the house was taken care of at all times. At the age of 3, I watched my mother dust the cabinets around the tv, so I grabbed the duster and did the same, simply because I wanted to be just like her. At 5, I happily brought a chair to the table to make spaghetti so my family could eat and then I would rush to clean the dishes so my tired mother wouldn't have to before her night shift. At 6, I made sure all the kids in my neighborhood were getting educated during the summer, so I required summer class to be in my basement, where I would use a large mirror and a dry erase marker as my chalkboard. At 7, I became a big sister for the first time and felt blessed to be able to care for another human so closely: to wash them, feed them and bathe them. By age 10, I realized that I cared too much about everything. At such a young age, my mind simply could not understand why I felt everything so deeply on a different level of empathy, but it's because I was called to mother.

Called to mother nature. What a funny one right? I was approached one day by a student in a class I cadeted for, and she said “you should work at the new swim school opening up!” Of course, without any thought I said, “of course I love swimming.” I applied, got accepted, and started working as one of Barron Swim Schools first swim instructors. Now, at the time I had no idea how this job, in any way shape or form, was going to benefit my life or guide me somewhere I was meant to be, but I tend to forget that everything in our life was created and planned so perfectly by God, so that everything works out exactly as it should. My boss became such an amazing person in my life, and one day he said something that will always stick to my heart. He said, “these kids come here for 30 minutes a week, and maybe for only those 30 minutes those children feel safe, loved, and heard.” Thats being called to mother. So I took that, and everytime I met a child, I remembered that, and I would be in so much pain knowing some kids live like that, but being in the water was my way of helping them and that's what I did.

Called to the mothers. By the time I was a senior in high school, I came to the understanding that this deeply rooted feeling would only become stronger as I aged. I decided to take it and put it towards something positive, something that would benefit from this instinct I always had: Nursing. I joined the wonderful nursing program and an area where I knew my caring and nurturing personality would thrive, labor and delivery. My mind went in with the notion that I could be there for those who were helpless, those who were hopeless, and I could help them through it, but I forgot one important thing… I feel everything so deeply. How can I forget that, 2 years into nursing? That blessing that is sometimes a curse, ruined me in the nursing program, especially with labor and delivery. For someone who felt called to help the mothers, I was helpless myself. Every pain a mother would feel, the loss of a child, the possible chance she herself could die in labor, the fear that she couldn't raise this child as a single mother… I couldn't help myself but to feel their pain so strongly. Here is where I got frustrated. I bowed my head down to the ground and I asked God, “Why have you put me here, if I do not belong? Why am I in this position? You've given me the gift to love and care for everyone and everything, yet this career would ruin me, physically and mentally. Show me what needs to be done, for I don't think this is where I belong.” An hour later, I received a phone call from a friend and she said something that made me realize, my heart was being pulled somewhere else.

Called to be a mother figure. Who would have thought that the feeling of being called to mother would lead me to elementary education at Saint Louis University. The switch shocked everyone in my life. My highschool teachers couldn't believe that their straight A student dropped nursing for education. My parents were not the most supportive, but I understood that they only wanted the best for their child, and the best here is having a job that will pay enough for you to live comfortably. My brother was shocked because out of all 3 siblings, everyone always expected me to become some kind of a doctor because of my focus and love for education and knowledge. My friends were confused because they knew how much I loved being in the hospital, and how much those newborns excited me, but after all of their initial reactions everyone said, “but it makes sense.” I fit so perfectly in education. I clicked so well with my professors and peers, and I looked forward to learning about education and children's development, but I had forgotten about my call to mother. It wasn't until I started to become more present in elementary classrooms that this feeling came back to me. Teaching lessons here and there was nice, but I started to develop a deeper connection with the students I was spending my semesters with. I thought, “what a wonderful field, I teach and help these students learn, but my ability to feel things so deeply won’t affect me in a negative way.” Oh how clueless I was. I had become so blinded by the decor of my future classroom and how to score running records on students that I forgot that important thing my boss once told me, “these kids come here for 30 minutes a week, and maybe for only those 30 minutes those children feel safe, loved, and heard.” I started learning the deeper connections between me and these students. Some of them felt safe to come to me and hug me. Some felt even safer to speak about their struggles at home or in their personal life. I realized that this would be tough for me, but I couldn't leave. My heart feels right here. I feel as though I was put in a position where I can teach students and have them carry that information with them throughout their educational careers, but I can also offer students a relationship that they may never have. Students can look up to me when they need someone to lean on, they can come to me when they are struggling, as a child would to a mother.

I have been called to mother my whole life, and know that that is my calling for the rest of my life. I wonder where I will be called to mother next…